WilmU's Yellow Hogwarts Express

The moment had come. I anxiously stood in the cold dark wind clutching my backpack praying for the arrival of the dreaded transportation vessel known as the Yellow Limousine. Shivering I looked around, but my mother was nowhere to be found waving me off to a wonderful day of school. My brown bag lunched filled with nutrition was replaced with yet another bag of McDonald's 2,000,000 calorie meal, and a large Shamrock Shake. My Power Ranger Velcro Light Ups were replaced with my favorite pair of dress shoes. Suddenly, as a strong gust of wind blew away my Phillies cap and another 30 pieces of hair, the realization was Earth shattering. This wasn't a typical morning during my formative Kindergarten days, but a dark Tuesday evening in February of 2011. The Yellow Limo, which I had artfully avoided since Kindergarten, would be transporting me to Wilmington University's New Castle Campus.

My fear is quite understandable, I am clearly under developed in Bus Etiquette.  Should I still be excited to go over speed bumps while sitting in the back seat? Should I feel like a nerd to sit in the front? Is there a Show Tune Only Section? Instead of bullying for my lunch Money, would the mean kids steal my Merlot? Thanks goodness my shrink is on speed dial, (I have a private line in each of the houses I have built him) because I am convinced that the minds behind WilmU's Evening Class Transportation have genetics that hail from the McDonald's ball pit where I purchased my dinner. Never the less, I wished my apparition skill magically worked to avoid WilmU's Yellow Hogwarts Express.  Within 54 minutes, WilmU's Yellow Hogwarts Express would also destroy a principal belief of my father: The shortest point from Point A to Point B is a straight line.

The following Timeline and Map will explain...

4:55: Enter WilmU campus @ Entrance B/Point A. Entrance A was not accessible to traffic coming off of Ramp A. Continue on to Point B (Building where my class is located).

4:57: Arrive at Point B. Man in Uniform stops me. He proceeds to allow Cars from Ramp A to pull into location A.

5:05: Still at point B, still watching cars pour in from Ramp A.


5:13: Still at point B, still watching cars pour in from Ramp A. Headache begins

5:16: Still at point B, still watching cars pour in from Ramp A. Politely ask Man in Uniform if I will be able to move any time soon. He informs me "He has got this under control." I wonder if this may be true because this is the same type of man in uniform that is supposed to winning the War on Drugs.

5:27: Still at point B, still watching cars pour in from Ramp A. Body starts to itch. Start to think like Judy Garland and consider scouring around for any booze and/or Advil.

5:28: Man In Uniform informs me that WilmU's"Overflow" lot is now full, I must continue to the "Overflow Overflow Lot" at the Wilmington Manor Elementary School. I grew concerned, I was not armed with tampons or pads, all of which are needed to confront "Overflow Overflow." He informed me that there I will find WilmU's version of the HogWarts Express: Lehane's finest Yellow Limousine.

5:29: Enroute to the Redundantly-Named Lot, I pass by the same McDonald's where the genetic ball pit is located.

5:33: Arrive at Platform 9 and 3/Class-Will-Be-Over-By-The-Time-You-Will-Actually-Get-On-Campus (AKA Wilmington Manor Elementary) and board onto the Yellow Hogwarts Express.



5:35: Begin the journey back to campus. Now, if you look at the map, we took the Red Route (The longer Route) NOT the shorter, less traffic ridden GREEN Route.

5:39: Arrive at Ramp A. Join the traffic on the ramp. As we are crawling past Entrance A, Man in Uniform is dining in his car. Itching and Judy behaviors return.

5:42: Passenger A, perhaps secretly related to Cybill, goes on a tirade about the inadequacy of this process. Laced with profanity, she unleashed pro-verb-ial spit balls out of her mouth at such a fast rate a machine gun would be impressed. While I agreed, I quietly held my Merlot tighter. I know a bus bully when I see one!


5:49: Arrive back at Entrance B and continue to Point B, depleted, exhausted, and extremely late for class. I questioned a basic theory I will teach someday: The shortest way from Point A to Point B is a straight line.According to WilmU's Magical Yellow Hogwarts Express, the shortest way from Point A to Point B is not a straight line. It's actually the Red Route and 54 nonrefundable minutes of my life. How will I explain this to my future classes? They will never understand until they ride the WilmU Yellow Hogwarts Express.